i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
