so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize