remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
