Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
