isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize