i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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