Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
