you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
