No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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