So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
