I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
