Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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