you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
