I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
