sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
