Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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