so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
