Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
