I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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