dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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