Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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