planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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