WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
