Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
