I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
