I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
