so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
