He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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