We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
