i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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