I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
