If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
