Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
