You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
