I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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