Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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