I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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