Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize