nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
