Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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