Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize