Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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