I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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