i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
