This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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