Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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