I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
