Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
