She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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