ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
