just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
