Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
