Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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