You just made me feel so damn special
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
