Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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