Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
as a side note pls kill me
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