They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
