He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
