If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
