New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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