good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
