Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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