My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
