I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize