alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
