I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
