on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize