you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
