he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
