There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
