Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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