Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
