woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
