Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
