Quick, to the slutcave!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mom said you looked used
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
