Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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