People in love make me want to vomit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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