I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
