You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
