bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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