So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
