I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
