He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
