would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
