If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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