My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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