she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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