My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
