I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
