i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
