Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
