I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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