Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
