a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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