I cannot find my penis.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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