she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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