But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
