I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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